he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i've created a new STD.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
