my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
