standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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