Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
