can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So many bounce houses so little time
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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