I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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