it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
