I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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