Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
