well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
