I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
