It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
