You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
