the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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