i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
