I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
