i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
