lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
NoShamevember. You game?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
