Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
