So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
