if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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