you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My cat gives me a boner
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
