Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
im six kinds of drunk right now
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
