rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
