By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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