and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
