I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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