the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
