I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
