I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
MIDGETS
????
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
