It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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