the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
