You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
