he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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