If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
