Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I need moral support for this bender
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
