It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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