i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
