I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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