Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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