I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
