The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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