I need help removing her.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
