Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
