you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
