U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
