hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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