i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
