There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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