I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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