he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
