Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
